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Wearing A Smile

A few years ago I lost my buddy Jack to cancer… Wait, wait before you get all sad there’s more to the story!
Jack knew me since the first breath I took on this earth. He was always in my life in some aspect or another. When he first got sick, I was mad. I didn’t understand how this could happen to a guy like Jack and what I also didn’t understand was how Jack didn’t seem a bit worried. He continued on with life as if everything was perfectly normal. What was even stranger was he almost seemed happy about it. You would never see him when he wasn’t smiling or laughing no matter how he felt physically, mentally he was happy. Towards the end the only thing I could figure was he was just smiling because he knew he was going to beat us to heaven!
They say everything happens for a reason and although it really hurt to lose Jack, the strength and resiliency he showed throughout his battle touched a lot of people. He taught us that no matter the situation, no matter what cards we’re dealt, life’s a lot easier wearing a smile!
I often think about Jack and his approach to life and the other day, out of the blue this song came to me. I literally wrote the lyrics in 5 minutes. I truly believe Jack sent me this song… I just wrote it down! I’ll never forget Jack and I hope I can go through my life “wearing a smile” like him!


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Letting Go

No matter how hard it is for you to decide whether to leave that person who had played a vital role in your life but has hurt-ed you, you have to do it with conviction- for yourself and for all that wants you to be happy..

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Creating That Confidence. By Jefin Jaison • August 14, 2014

For a pretty long time, I never imagined I could do half of the things I have done already, there was a period when insecurities ran though my bloodstream and hesitancy boiled up to my brim. The heart said one thing and brain denied instantly, like a reflex. I fancied performing in public but I wasn’t confident of the outcome, I dreamt of giving a speech but I wasn’t confident about my fluency, I wanted to write but I wasn’t confident of my language. I soon realized that in all the equations, confidence was the common factor. I needed to work on it, and it was time..

Now years later, one of the biggest achievements I’ve ever had till date is that I learned the art of confidence, to some extent I believe as I still continue to grow in it. I pushed myself a lot forward with few simple steps.. By acknowledging who I am, by loving more of what I was, and capitalizing on how I can better myself. I wanted to be confident right between the flaws and cracks I have and be so freakin positive about it, by being weird and being hopeful about it. I urged on the need to fill myself with confidence. I used to stand in front of the mirror and wonder why I am not loving myself as much as I should be, there was a bit of hate settling somewhere inside me, the hate that constantly whispered behind my ear that it is wrong to have physical and mental flaws. When I ran my hands though the ups and downs on my skin, the scars and cells, I felt the confidence that was right underneath, it was forever there, but it was covered by a thick layer of self hatred and that had to go. I badly needed a mental attitude shift, I pondered, what if I never watched a magazine, or a TV commercial, what if I had no idea about celebrities, would I still find myself with flaws and imperfection?. I stared right into my soul until that feeling softened, I came to terms that I should be contented and happy for what I am, unconditionally, and I needed to forgive myself.

I repeatedly kept telling inside my head, no one in the world knows everything, everyone is good and bad in something or the other, I need to endeavor, I needed to try, If I fall short at something, that means I can get closer the next time. The road to self confidence had its own share of potholes and dents. I needed to take risks, and they were incalculable, and one of them took me all the way to this city. I fell and stood up again, I had to repeat the mistakes to master them, and there was a lot of blunders and hurt in the path. I soon mastered the art of finding positivity in the darkest of times, I was recycling confidence from the trash inside me. I met a lot of people, I closely listened to them, the mediocre thoughts I had slowly replaced with more confident, sublime ones. Slowly music and dance came to aid, they were my solace and rescue, I used to repeat my songs as much as my heart wanted to. Playing my favorite track in my headphones and walking down a street, smiling for no good reason, I was starting to forgive myself and I was ready to be confident for no cause. I realized that confidence was something that was always inside me, and not something that I should conjure out of thin air only when I badly needed it, I needed to feel it in and out, which led me to gym. I started working out whenever I could, the positive rays of confidence shot out of me. I had my head held up high and mighty. I started to love myself infinitely. Once i recollect making a list of my achievements, I started off with the foolish, silliest things in my life to the most triumphant achievement I can ever imagine, the list went endless and the confidence I gained was limitless. I wanted to know how many things I can be proud of, I wanted to ask myself why I wasn’t taking pride of all these things. Write your own list and let it go on for pages and pages if it should…

The bottom line is.. be really patient with yourself, and be extremely tolerant, but don’t give up in that process, and don’t worry if the switch which takes you from your ‘paralyzed self doubt mode’ to your ‘wholehearted self love mode’ takes sometime to flip. Allow time to grab all your pieces and complete your jigsaw puzzle, let time perfect you. Meanwhile be kinder, be more softer, and always remember all the things within you which are worth loving, worth cherishing. Pay attention, listen to the voice at the back of your head which tells you, ‘You are ugly and stupid. You are boring and incapable”, take a deep long breath and remind that voice, “Even if that’s true, I am still worthy of loving and I’m awesome”


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A Forever Friendship

This is a story of a 45 year friendship. I met this young lady 45 years ago on her 14th birthday (January 10 1969). She told me that my friendship was the best gift she received that year. We were friends on and off for over those 45 years. Our live took different twist and turns, but inevitably on St. Patrick’s Day 2012 that we again got close. My son Patrick (who died in 2007) I believe had a hand in this. The friendship went back together, like it had never been apart. Both always there for each other, sadly she had been diagnosed with Breast Cancer and COPD. So she was not able to get around as easily as she used to, but yet we still found time to spend together. Going over old memories and making new ones (going to Las Vegas-taking a gondola ride). Well, yesterday she died from Cancer, it took over her body in the two short years we had gotten back together. But some of the things I won’t ever forget is the little kindnesses she did for others. Like always sending cards for birthdays, holidays etc. Little presents she would give, just because. How special her friendship was, I for one am glad that 45 years ago I met her. My husband, and son Frankie went with me to the hospital last Saturday to see her. Not realizing this would be their last time, we tried to make it as nice a visit as possible. I again visited her on that Monday and made sure the nurses made her comfortable before I left. With the promise that I would be back. She told me should would never be able to repay me for all I had done for her. I told her she would have done the same under the circumstances, and that this was what true friends were for.

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For the girls! – How to get on with him!

As a woman, the greatest thing outside salvation in Christ you could have is a husband that respects and cares for you. Through him you will experience how giving is more fulfilling than receiving. He will comfort you when you’re not feeling your best and his strengths will cause you to be radiant! Because he has qualities you need, trust and respect him and by doing this he will feel valuable. When a man feels trusted he’ll be strong, hard working and outshine all your expectations – a blessing to you and the people around him. Here’s a rough guide to help you understand your differences!

About him . . .
For better or worse, men generally value power, competency, efficiency and achievement. They are always trying to develop skills and prove themselves. In fact this is not ungodly. It’s actually a good way to gain self confidence. These things only become a problem when they are done out of wrong motives and take the place of God.

For most men, fulfillment comes through success and accomplishment rather than sharing and relating. It is the ability to be self sufficient and competent that is most fulfilling to a man. A man, often takes pride in doing things all by himself and doesn’t always see we were meant to work together!
What motivates a man?
A man is motivated when he feels trusted and respected. Trust your man to energize him! He’ll give his best performance when he feels loved!

What Men Really Want
In a relationship, a man has two main needs: companionship and yes you’ve guessed it, sex! With regards to sex, it’s more than looks that drives men wild, its attitude. He wants a woman to captivate his imagination. Someone confident who wants him as much as he wants her. Someone that will tease him, force him to chase her and yet will also allow him to capture her! He also wants more than anything a soul mate and friend. Someone loving, caring, affectionate and tender who he can talk to have fun with. He wants someone to love him unconditionally who’s there for him yet also someone who he can be there for!

He wants a best friend that will laugh at his jokes, no matter how bad they are! Someone that will take an interest in the things he likes. Someone that will not try to change him, yet who will help him to improve and grow where needed. He wants someone that will trust, respect and admire him. His ideal partner will focus on his good qualities more than his faults.
Make him feel special . . .
1. Tell him you wouldn’t change a thing about him. (Even though it’s not true!!)
2. Don’t interrupt him when he speaks.
3. Be his biggest fan even when he doubts himself.
4. Listen to his kind of music
5. Laugh at his dumb jokes
6. Respect him.
9. Trust him completely.
10. Drive when he’s tired.
11. Look in his eyes and listen when he talks.
12. Always take his side.

4 things to beware of!
1) Its a man’s natural instinct to want to ‘fix’ things – including you!
2) He is not always a good listener.
3) Men don’t like unsolicited advice – he’s more likely to respond if you refrain from always giving advice!
4) It’s good for a man to have male friends. Breaking up his friendships will emasculate him and he won’t be worth having!!!
How a man deals with stress
Do not expect your man to be responsive when he has a problem. When stressed he is more inclined to withdraw to find a solution to his problem than to want to talk it over with someone else. He will come back but it’s a natural process and it may take some time before he emerges so be patient! Too much pressure and he’ll withdraw further.

What women do wrong – written by a man!
The biggest complaint men have about women is that they are trying to change them. Men are like children, by constantly telling him what to do he’ll feel controlled and put up defenses. The best way to change a man (if he’s actually letting you down) is to love (encourage) him as if he’s got no faults(ha), but gently show him where he’s letting you down – i.e. don’t give him or give in to everything! He’ll soon realise he hasn’t been playing ball and he’ll want to improve himself! If anything remember the following rule: men love to improve themselves but hate being improved. The psychology is simple – male ego and pride are our biggest problem and easily dented, so be firm but gentle!

4 things guaranteed to upset a male!

1) Frequently offer unsolicited advice
3) Change tack every 10 seconds during a conversation!

4) Expect him to react like a woman!
5) Try to change him!